"Somebody says something to you that is rude or designed to hurt. Instead of going into unconscious reaction and negativity, such as attack, defence, or withdrawal, you let it pass right through you. Offer no resistance. It is as if there is nobody there to get hurt anymore. That is forgiveness. In this way, you become invulnerable. You can still tell that person that his or her behaviour is unacceptable, if that is what you choose to do. But that person no longer has the power to control your inner state. You are then in power - not in someone else's, nor are you run by your mind, Whether it is a car alarm, a rude person, a flood, an earthquake, or the loss of all your posessions, the resistance mechanism is the same. "
"If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences."
~PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates~
Are you so busy getting to the future that the present is reduced to a means of getting there? Stress is caused by being "here" but wanting to be "there", or being present but wanting to be in the future. It's a split that tears you apart. To create and live with such an inner split is insane. The fact that everyone else is doing it doesn't make it less insane. If you have to, you can move fast, work fast, or even run, without projecting yourself into the future and without resisting the present. As you move, work, run - do it totally. Enjoy the flow of energy, the high energy of that moment. Now you are no longer stressed, no longer splitting yourself in two. Just moving, running, working - and enjoying it.
Our attempts to change spouse, offspring, or others can result in change, but the result is a scar and not a transformation .... Of course, some change is possible, but it is a twisting and distortion of underlying form.
~PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME - Character & Temperament Types by David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates~
The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognizable as dysfunctional than the positive one. And it is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner than to see it in yourself, It can manifest in many forms: possessiveness, jealousy, control, withdrawal and unspoken resentment, the need to be right, insensitivity and self-absorption, emotional demands and manipulation, the urge to argue, criticize, judge, blame, or attack, anger, unconscious revenge for the past pain inflicted by a parent, rage and physical violence.